Monday, October 23, 2006

Jessica Mourns For Her Lost Marriage, Music Career, & Popularity...

Oh, God... My life is just falling apart!
  • My Dessert Line is on sale everywhere for only $5.00 because it tastes and smells horrible; it gives people head-aches and makes their tongues numb. Good thing they didn't even put my name on the bottles and containers; phew...
  • My little sister got a nose-job and looks hot now; everyone is looking at her and I have to borrow her clothes just to look cool.
  • I lost my husband and had to create a scandal surrounding John Mayer just to get attention.
  • I have to wear the most uncomfortable boots all the time and my feet hurt. Oh, don't forget my clothing line that went south; life really sucks for me.
  • My new album, "A Public Affair" isn't doing so well; it's already on sale at; I just suck.
Why am I wearing a black-shroud you ask? Well, I've decided to become religious again and get my Christ on. Daddy is researching convents & next year I'll release my new Christian Hits album.

God Bless, Y'all!

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